Not at All Morty That Place Wont Have Any Baring Over Our Lives Again
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Transcript
[Open Ext. Smith Residence]
[Trans. Int. Rick'southward Garage]
(Rick prepares a harpoon gun and Morty is dressed in full scuba gear.)
Rick: Alright, Morty. You ready for our gamble to the lost city of Atlantis?
Morty: *gives a thumbs-up* Ready as I'll ever be, Rick!
(A portal opens backside them. Rick and Morty K-22 enter.)
Rick: Oh, for fuck's sake.
Rick M-22: *holding clipboard* Hello, I'chiliad Rick K-22. This is my Morty. (Morty Chiliad-22 waves.) We're going from reality to reality, asking Ricks to contribute to the Citadel of Ricks redevelopment fund.
Rick: What are you, stupid? Nosotros're washed with the Citadel of Ricks. I was *burp* never on lath with it in the first identify, that'southward why I murdered anybody in charge and left it to rot.
Rick One thousand-22: *examines clipboard* Ohhh. That was you. *passes clipboard to his Morty*
Morty: They tried to murder him first.
Morty K-22: Oh geez. Well, you'll exist happy to know that... the Council'due south gone now.
Morty: Yes, he knows. He murdered them.
Rick K-22: You wanna rein in your Morty?
Rick: *glaring* Every day.
Morty K-22: *reading from script* The Citadel of Ricks redevelopment fund donates--
Rick K-22: *interrupts* Morty, he's not gonna *belch* donate. You're pitching the policeman'due south ball to a black teenager here. *pulls out his portal gun and shoots a new portal* Let's get.
(Morty K-22 waves and walks through the portal.)
Rick: You lot don't accept to be a dick.
Rick K-22: I retrieve you know that's non true.
(Rick K-22 also exits through the portal, which disappears.)
Morty: Geez. I didn't know there were nonetheless Ricks and Mortys living on the Citadel. I wonder what their 24-hour interval-to-day lives are like.
Rick: *straps harpoon gun to his back* Well, you can go along wondering that while we go on our fun, fresh, self-contained adventure to Atlantis. *shoots a portal* Anyone continuing to explore the Citadel is either stupid, or one of the unfortunate millions held earnest by their terrible ideas.
(Rick exits through the portal.)
Morty: Man. Glad I'yard not one of them!
(Morty fixes his scuba gear and runs through the portal after Rick.)
[Trans. Ext. Citadel of Ricks]
("In the City" by Joe Walsh plays)
[Championship: Rick and Morty/Tales from the Citadel]
[Trans. Int. Citadel]
(Nosotros're shown a montage. The Citadel, nevertheless undergoing structure afterward the damages from the events of "The Rickshank Rickdemption", is full of damaged buildings and roadways. Cars, both flying and standard, are traveling.)
(A large oversupply of Ricks with Mortys interspersed throughout walks downwards a street.)
(Ricks work in a construction crew, rebuilding damaged structures.)
(Campaign Manager Morty pays for coffee and exits Cafe Sanchez. He tries to hail a cab, which passes him up and picks upwardly a Rick in a business suit.)
[Int. Shooting range]
(At the police university, trainee Ricks exercise shooting. Cop Rick shoots synthetic Gromflomites. He and his instructor salute 1 another upon his success.)
[Int. Morty Academy]
(A line of Mortys catch their books and close their lockers, all of which feature pictures of Jessica while Teacher Rick looks on.)
[Int. Train]
(Many Ricks are commuting to piece of work. They all pull out flasks and accept a drink at the same fourth dimension. Rick J-22 looks out the window and sees a wealthy Rick in a flying automobile, enjoying sardines and champaign. He sighs.)
(Music fades out)
[Trans. Citadel Morn News]
Rick (voiceover): Citadel Morning News: News most the Citadel in the morning. Pretty self explanatory.
[Int. News room]
(Rick 0716 and Rick 0716-B anchor at the desk-bound.)
Rick D716-B: Proficient morning time. I'chiliad Rick D716-B.
Rick D716: And I'm Rick D716.
Rick D716-B: Must be nice.
Rick D716: Coming upwardly! Gravity outages in Due east Sanchez Heights!
Rick D716-B: And, is your uranium-powered cellular matrix making you lot sick? The respond may not surprise you. It's 'aye, it'south uranium.'
Rick D716: Those stories and more than after this break.
[Commercial for Elementary Rick's]
(A immature Rick works in his garage as pleasant music plays.)
Narrator: 16 iterations off the central finite curve, there's a Rick that works more with wood than polarity plating.
(Simple Rick finishes a present for his Beth and wraps it.)
Narrator: His name is Elementary Rick, just he's no dummy.
(View from a handheld video camera. Elementary Rick films Beth blowing out candles on her altogether block.)
Narrator: He realized long ago that the greatest thing he'd ever create was his daughter.
Immature Beth: I honey Daddy!
(Simple Rick smiles and cries happily.)
Narrator: We captured that moment and run it on a loop through Simple Rick'southward listen.
(Simple Rick, aged up, sits in his seat at the wafer factory, the above scene playing on a helmet in a loop. He's attached to machinery that collects happy secretions from his brain.)
Narrator: And the chemical that makes his brain secrete goes into every Simple Rick'south Simple Wafer Cookie. (Said wafer is displayed on-screen.) Come home to the impossible flavor of your ain completion. Come domicile to Unproblematic Rick's.
[Trans. News room]
(The broadcast resumes.)
Rick D716: Just one day remains earlier our newly autonomous Citadel elects its kickoff president. Information technology'southward anyone's race among the Rick candidates.
(Rick candidates are displayed on screen. They include Retired General Rick, Private Sector Rick, Juggling Rick, Rick Guilt Rick, and Contrary Rick Outrage.)
Rick D716-B: Only a certain other candidate should be getting at least 1 vote for most adorable.
(Candidate Morty visits hospitalized Mortys for photo ops.)
Rick D716 (voiceover): That's correct, the Morty Party candidate's still in the race, and you only gotta beloved him for that.
(Candidate Morty stands outside a van, waving to press.)
Rick D716 (voiceover): Here you encounter him in his fiddling Morty suit, waving. Isn't that adorable? Little jackass.
(Candidate Morty gives a oral communication to a crowd of Mortys in front end of a commemorative Morty statue.)
Rick D716-B (voiceover): Uh, yeah, I remember we actually have the sound for his speech here. "Aw geez, aw man, I'm gonna lose the ballot and stuff."
(Cuts back to the newsroom. Both Ricks are laughing.)
[Int. Morty campaign headquarters]
(The Morty campaign is watching the news report. Campaign Manager Morty turns off the Television set.)
Campaign Manager Morty: Nosotros had a adept run, sir, but I think it's time to pull out of the race.
Candidate Morty: I feel pretty confident about this evening's fence.
Campaign Manager Morty: You shouldn't, sir. Y'all should be terrified.
Candidate Morty: Maybe you should discover a piffling faith, young human being.
(Candidate Morty walks away and Campaign Manager Morty calls after him.)
Entrada Manager Morty: Yous don't pay me to accept faith! And we're the same age!
[Trans. Morty Pride Parade]
(A parade of Mortys marches down the street. Many Mortys concur signs. There are a few Ricks among the spectators. Cop Rick watches from outside Buffet Sanchez, drinking a coffee. A police force cruiser pulls up, virtually hitting two Mortys who run out of the way just in time. It stops in front end of Cop Rick and the passenger window rolls down, revealing Cop Morty behind the wheel.)
Cop Rick: Oh! S-distressing, I was expecting--
Cop Morty: A Rick partner? Lesson one, rookie: wait the unexpected. At present get in.
(Cop Rick climbs into the passenger seat. Cop Morty starts the cruiser and drives slowly equally they arroyo a cluster of Mortys. One Morty jumps against the hood of the car.)
Morty: Mortys are homo!
Cop Morty: Go the fuck off the car, you Rickless fuckin' animal! (He pulls a lever and the car sends a taser shock through Morty, who falls aside.)
Morty: WHOA!! (The Mortys disperse and Cop Morty resumes driving.)
Cop Morty: The election's got these yellow shirts more riled upward than a Picture Day Jessica.
Cop Rick: That'due south pretty harsh, sir.
Cop Morty: So report me. Nobody gives a fuck.
Cop Rick: Expect, I'g just saying. Makes me a little distressing to hear a Morty cop calling Mortys "animals".
Cop Morty: Well, it makes me sad to see another Rick cop buying into his sensitivity training.
Cop Rick: Well, I'm glad to know there's more than like me.
Cop Morty: Oh, there was one. Why exercise you think that seat was empty?
(A holographic Rick appears on the dashboard.)
Dispatch: Robbery at 5th and *BURP* Avenue.
(Dispatch vanishes.)
Cop Rick: Fifth and *BURP*? That's Mortytown.
Cop Morty: (to acceleration) Unit of measurement 7 responding.
(They drive abroad. As they practice, Cop Morty tasers an innocent eyewitness Morty with the cruiser.)
[Trans. Ext. Morty University]
Teacher Rick: (spoken inside) "Practiced idea, Rick."
Students: (all together) Good thought, Rick.
[Int. Classroom]
(Instructor Rick teaches his students of dissimilar Mortys to repeat his words correctly.)
Teacher Rick: "This is a bully gamble."
Students: This is a swell adventure.
Teacher Rick: "I dearest being your new Morty."
Students: I love being your new Mor...
Slick: (substituting for the word Morty) Farty!
(Slick and the other students laugh. Teacher Rick approaches his desk.)
Instructor Rick: Very amusing, Mr. Smith. Nigh as agreeable as when your commencement Rick was decapitated on Zorpathion 9. (Slick's smug face becomes downcast.) Or was that your third Rick? How many Ricks have you had?
Slick: Five…
Teacher Rick: I see. So yous are top of the form in something. (All the Mortys too Slick laugh.) Tomorrow yous will be transferred to your new Ricks. Hopefully, they volition exist your terminal. Yes, Slow Ri-- Alpine Morty?
Alpine Morty: Di-Did I gragitate this fourth dimension yet?
Teacher Rick: Annihilation'due south possible, Tall Morty. Ugh…
(The other Mortys express mirth over again. The bell rings, and everyone but Slick, Lizard Morty, Fat Morty, and Glasses Morty leaves the classroom.)
Lizard Morty: Guess we won't be seein' each other after this, huh?
Slick: I say we make our final day count. I say… we go to the Wishing Portal.
Spectacles Morty: That'southward a myth.
Fat Morty: Information technology's not a myth! M-m-my starting time Rick'southward fourth Morty knew a Rick whose Morty went there.
Lizard Morty: If we're not here for graduation, our butts are gonna end up in Mortytown.
Slick: I thought your last Rick fused you with a lizard, not a craven.
Lizard Morty: Okay, fine. I'thousand in.
Glasses Morty: Me too.
(Slick, Glasses, and Fatty Morty put their hands together. Lizard Morty sticks his natural language on peak.)
Fat Morty: What the hell?
Lizard Morty: *retracts tongue* I-I thought I saw a fly.
[Trans. Simple Rick's Wafer Cookie Factory]
(Various Factory Drone Ricks stand in position on an assembly line, processing the wafer cookies. Rick J-22'due south job is to postage stamp each wafer with the Simple Rick's logo. Suddenly an alarm blares, and the workers all expect upwardly to where Supervisor Rick is standing.)
Supervisor Rick: *whistles* Listen up, fucknuts! I've been your supervisor for five years but all shitty things must come to an end, and I have been promoted to regional manager. (Factory Ricks cheer unenthusiastically.) Yeah, I experience the aforementioned way. May we never meet over again. Of course that makes the position of Supervisor bachelor. (Rick J-22 looks hopeful.) So every bit of next week, the donkey you'll be kissing will exist that of… (Rick J-22 smiles) K-83, (He frowns again) affectionately known as "Cool Rick."
(Cool Rick walks upwardly and flips the workers off.)
Cool Rick: I know I'm new to the Citadel and some of you might not think I've put in my time, but what tin I say? I'm Cool Rick! *finger guns* Yo, ha-ha-ha, check me out!
Supervisor Rick: Alright, knuckle-*burp*-heads, any questions? (Rick J-22 raises his paw.) Alright then, dorsum to work, y'all gilt-Rickers.
(Supervisor Rick and Cool Rick walk abroad. The assembly line restarts.)
[Trans. Mortytown]
(The cop cruiser goes down the streets of Mortytown, where out-and-downwards Mortys view it with suspicion.)
Cop Morty: No Ricks, no families, high off their asses and runnin' amok. Mortys are raised to be sidekicks. Without a side to kick, they merely start kickin'.
[Ext. Morty Mart]
(Morty Mart Morty speaks to Cop Rick and Cop Morty about the robbery. Cop Rick takes down notes. Backside Morty Mart Morty is a purple Morty with an elephant-like torso mopping the floor.)
Morty Mart Morty: They were, they were about my peak, around fourteen years former… OH! Their shirts were yellow!
Cop Morty: *sarcastically* Yes, brand sure you lot get that down.
Cop Rick: Whatever mutations? Augmentations? Three eyes, a tail, maybe a buzzcut?
Morty Mart Morty: No, just 4 normal Mortys.
Purple Trunk Morty: *feels annoyed* "Normal"?
Morty Mart Morty: *talks back to Purple Morty* Put information technology in your web log.
Cop Morty: *looking at ii Mortys in a nearby alley* Lemme plow over a few rocks.
(Cop Morty approaches the 2 street Mortys as they spraypaint the alley wall.)
Cop Morty: Aw geez, hey, what'south goin' on, fellas?
Morty 1: Aw geez, man, nothin' man, we're merely hangin' out and stuff.
Cop Morty: I hear that, ah geez, I guess I'm supposed to be figuring out who robbed the store beyond the street but aw geez I dunno.
Morty two: *smirking* Ah geez homo, that sucks that your Rick'due south makin' you do that.
Cop Morty: *angered* He's non my Rick. He'southward my partner. Aw, geez.
Morty one: Well, maybe the uniform makes a large difference. Who am I to say? To me, you simply look like a sidekick.
(Cop Morty snaps in a fit of rage and pins Morty ane to the wall, shoving a large gun in his mouth.)
Cop Morty: CALL ME A SIDEKICK ONE More than Time! Telephone call ME A SIDEKICK!!
Morty 2: Hey man! C'mon, aw geez!
(Cop Rick looks on, seemingly uncertain what to do.)
Cop Morty: WANNA SEE HOW I PAINT A WALL?!
Morty 2: Information technology was the Mortytown Locos, human! The Mortytown Locos!
(Cop Morty releases Morty 1. Both street Mortys abscond. Cop Morty walks dorsum to the cruiser.)
Cop Rick: Exercise you realize how many codes you lot just violated?
Cop Morty: Aw geez, Rick. What exercise I know about knowin' stuff? Get in the fucking automobile.
[Trans. Presidential Debate]
(The five Rick candidates and Candidate Morty stand at podiums.)
Retired General Rick: More than lasers.
Moderator Rick: You can take more time to respond the question if you'd similar.
(Retired General Rick remains silent for a long beat. Moderator Rick crosses his list and moves on.)
Moderator Rick: ...Okay, Juggling Rick. How would you solve the Citadel's financial crunch?
Juggling Rick: Beginning off, can I simply say that I think this Citadel is the greatest in the unabridged multiverse. Now, I believe the answer to your question has iii parts. (He reveals he'due south holding three assurance.) First, education spending must go muuuch higher! *starts tossing one ball*
[Int. Behind the scenes]
(Behind the scenes, Entrada Manager Morty watches the fence on a screen.)
Juggling Rick: But information technology has to be balanced with defense! *starts juggling all three balls* Whoa!
Campaign Manager Morty: Tin we fact-check this, please? Never heed, who am I kidding? This race is over.
Juggling Rick: *now juggling iii balls and a chainsaw, he catches them all gracefully* And that's how you run a Citadel. *bows*
(Ricks and Mortys in the audience cheer.)
Moderator Rick: Candidate Morty. The number of displaced Mortys is soaring, while Rick satisfaction levels are plummeting, and the separate between the ii groups has never been wider. *smirks* Solve that one real quick.
(The audience laughs, but Candidate Morty looks at-home.)
Candidate Morty: I don't see a carve up betwixt Ricks and Mortys.
Retired General Rick: Oh, shocker. *farts*
Opposite Rick Outrage: I'd like to offer a rebuttal. *farts*
Rick Guilt Rick: Gentlemen, gentlemen! I think we can all concord on i thing. *farts twice* Well, came out equally two things, but you become the idea.
(All laugh but Candidate Morty.)
Candidate Morty: You guys finished? (Continues his voice communication.) The division I see is betwixt the Ricks and Mortys that similar the Citadel divided, and the rest of the states. I see it everywhere I go.
(Candidate Morty's voice tin can be heard as other scenes are shown.)
Candidate Morty: I meet it in our schools, where they teach Mortys we're nonetheless because they're threatened by what makes u.s.a. unique.
(Slick, Glasses, Cadger, and Fat Morty sneak out of the school through a window.)
Candidate Morty: I see it in our streets, where they requite guns to Mortys then we're too decorated fighting each other to fight real injustice.
(Cop Rick and Cop Morty drive up to see one of the Mortytown Locos walking into an alleyway. Cop Morty slides the top of his laser gun.)
Candidate Morty: I see it in our factories, where Ricks work for a fraction of their boss's salary, even though they're identical and take the same IQ. The Citadel'due south problem isn't homeless Mortys or outraged Ricks.
(Rick J-22 works at his post in the wafer factory, merely becomes enraged, breaks off a piece of mechanism to use as a weapon, and enters Supervisor Rick'southward office, where he'south watching the debate. He shoots Supervisor Rick to death. Rick J-22 and so sees numerous Ricks witness his actions through the office window.)
Candidate Morty: The Citadel'south problem is the Ricks and Mortys feeding on the Citadel's debt.
Rick J-22: Holy shit. (As the alarm rings, he runs out of the function and enters the Flavor Core sleeping accommodation.)
Rick Worker: He's headed for the Flavor Core!
(Rick J-22 puts the sleeping accommodation on lockdown and activates a ruby force field-like bulwark effectually the chamber. He so encounters Simple Rick in front of him, slumping down on the floor.)
Candidate Morty: But I've got a bulletin for them, from the Ricks and Mortys keeping it alive. A message… from the Ricks and Mortys that believe in this Citadel to the Ricks and Mortys that don't: you are outnumbered!
(Fence audience bursts into adulation.)
[Int. Backstage]
Campaign Manager Morty: Holy shit. (Candidate Morty walks backstage.) I don't believe it! I-I can't believe it!
Candidate Morty: I know. *puts a mitt on his shoulder* That's why you're fired. *walks away*
(Campaign Manager Morty looks downcast. He's approached past Juggling Rick.)
Juggling Rick: Sounds like yous're looking for work. I can offer yous a very enticing compensation packet. *sets down purse and unzips information technology, pulling out three juggling clubs* Offset, let's talk benefits.
[Trans. Int. Flavour core]
(Rick J-22 paces in the sleeping room he shares with Simple Rick while a Rick SWAT squad stands outside.)
Simple Rick: *mumbling to self* Daddy loves you… That'south Daddy's proficient girl.
Rick J-22: *to Simple Rick* Your life is a lie, man. *to law* All your lives are lies! Don't you go it?! They told us we were special because we were Ricks, only they stripped united states of anything that made usa unique!
Negotiator Rick: *through megaphone* Nosotros know how you feel. Nosotros're working potent Ricks just like you lot, just our assembly line is justice. What are your demands?
Rick J-22: *burp* I-I-I want a portal gun. Unregistered, untraceable, with plenty fluid to take me off this goddamn prison house!
SWAT Team Rick: The media's outside.
Negotiator Rick: Well, keep 'em at that place!
[Trans. Ext. Simple Rick'south Wafer Cookie factory]
(CN correspondent Rick D716-C reports on the scene.)
Rick D716-C: Anyway, so aye, the suspect says the Citadel is a lie, built on lies, and another shit. (Now sharing the screen with Rick D716 and Rick D716-B.) I say, appreciate the life you have, because it can ever exist worse. Dorsum to you, Ricks.
Rick D716: Thank you, Rick 716-C. *mumbling to D716-B* That fuckin' guy.
Rick D716-B: Tell me about it.
[Trans. Newsroom]
Rick D716: Ahem. Meanwhile, in election news, an unexpected turn of events as Morty from the Morty Party soars to the acme of the polls.
[Trans. Press briefing]
(Candidate Morty approaches a podium while reporter Ricks call out to him.)
Candidate Morty: Yep?
Reporter Rick: Morty! What's your original reality and where's your Rick?
Candidate Morty: Gosh. We moved around so much it'southward difficult to remember. I see every Rick as my Rick.
[Trans. Barroom]
(The printing conference is on the bar TV. Campaign Manager Morty watches.)
Candidate Morty: I hope they see me every bit their Morty.
Campaign Manager Morty: *holding glass* Another, please, with less water.
Bartender Morty: *fixing a new drink* Hey, cheer upwards, pal! A Morty's gonna exist president. *gestures to TV* Imagine this kisser gettin' blamed for everything!
(Bartender Morty walks abroad. Campaign Manager Morty takes a drink.)
Entrada Director Morty: I approximate I shoulda had more faith.
(Investigator Rick is sitting a few seats down the bar.)
Investigator Rick: It's not organized religion you lot need. It'due south fear.
(Investigator Rick takes out a dossier from inside his trenchcoat and slides it over to Morty, who takes it uncertainly.)
Entrada Manager Morty: What's this?
Investigator Rick: *drains his drinking glass* It's secrets. Wh-wh-what do you think it is? *Gets up and walks away* Wait at how I'yard dressed.
Rick Reporter (on TV): Taking on the system like this, are yous afraid at all for your rubber?
(Campaign Manager Morty pulls out the documents in the dossier and looks them over.)
Candidate Morty (on TV): I'd rather live in hope than fear. (Campaign Manager Morty looks shocked at the documents, then looks upwardly at the TV.) If I had to fearfulness anything, I'd fright other people being afraid. Of fear. Itself.
[Trans. Int. Mortytown Locos hideout]
(The Mortytown Locos sit effectually a TV watching the printing conference while their Rick prepares bootleg portal fluid in a setup similar to a meth lab.)
Candidate Morty (on Boob tube): But no, I'one thousand not agape.
Mortytown Loco: Hey Rick, man, when there's a Morty president, yous gonna lick my balls or what?
(Other Mortys laugh.)
Bootleg Rick: Shit, grandson, you keep me peelin' squap-squams and slippin' bill-nibs I'll lick whatever ain't nailed down.
(Mortytown locos laugh and high-five. Suddenly the front door is kicked in. Cop Morty and Cop Rick enter with guns drawn.)
Cop Rick: Easily in the air!
(All the Mortys stand up and raise their hands.)
Mortytown Loco: What the hell, man? What the hell in hell?
(Cops enter the edifice, guns nevertheless drawn.)
Cop Morty: You guys doin' a little chemical science homework with Grandpa?
Cop Rick: Is this what I think it is?
Cop Morty: Bootleg portal fluid.
(Bootleg Rick grabs his portal gun and tries to escape, but upon making contact with the faulty portal, he disintigrates.)
Cop Morty: Guess his math was off. Search the place.
(Cop Rick goes further into the building while Cop Morty subdues the Mortytown Locos. Rick enters a chamber with his gun drawn only to encounter a weeping Psychopath Morty.)
Psychopath Morty: A-Are you… 1000-my new… Rick?
(Cop Rick lowers his gun and approaches Morty.)
Cop Rick: Information technology'south okay, Morty.
(He picks up Psychopath Morty to carry him to rubber. Psychopath Morty pulls out a bract and stabs Rick in the shoulder. Cop Rick falls to his knees and shoots Psychopath Morty. Cop Morty runs to the room.)
Cop Morty: Jesus!
Cop Rick: He stabbed me! He got me bad, Morty.
Cop Morty: *approaches Rick and kneels downwardly beside him* Shh, it's okay, you're okay.
Cop Rick: Yous were correct… *cough* Everything I learned in the university was--
Cop Morty: Information technology doesn't affair. *helps Rick to his feet* Aught's incorrect with putting your faith in a Morty. You just gotta pick the right one.
Cop Rick: Why is there a crib in here?
Cop Morty: Just somethin' they do to make you experience bad.
(In the forepart room, the Mortytown Locos accept their hands cuffed and legs shackled.)
Cop Rick: Boy, I got us knee-deep in paperwork, huh?
Cop Morty: Go to the car and take hold of a MediPack. Lemme worry about this.
(Cop Rick goes outside to treat his stab wound. Cop Morty walks out of the building moments subsequently as it disintegrates in a greenish blast, killing the Mortys inside. Cop Morty gets to the cruiser.)
Cop Rick: What happened?
Cop Morty: Same old story. Mortys killing Mortys.
(Morty gets in the car. Rick stands pensively by the wreckage.)
[Trans. Megafruit Farm]
(Lizard Morty, who is elevation of a stack comprised of Glasses Morty, Slick and Fat Morty, carefully reaches for a dangling Megafruit.)
Lizard Morty:Almost... got it...
(A laser shot all of a sudden fires next to Cadger Morty and falls downwards with every Morty. A disguised farmer Rick holds a shotgun-like laser with his robot dog abreast him.)
Farmer Rick:Hey, yous get the hell away from my damn Megafruit!
(All Mortys outset running abroad from Farmer Rick and his robot canis familiaris.)
Farmer Rick: Sic 'em, boy! *his robot canis familiaris gives chase; the 4 Mortys tumble downwardly into a river* I don't wear this dangnap hat and commit to this rural character so you tin can eat for free while you lot come of historic period!
[Trans. Woods]
(The four Mortys accept a bivouac in the woods at night.)
Fat Morty: I bet the Wishing Portal leads to a reality where in that location... where all... where it's a agglomeration of French toast with boobies.
Cadger Morty: I bet it leads to a place where a agglomeration of friday-- flies everywhere! *Slick feels peevish*
Slick: Yep, I bet it goes nowhere. I bet it's a large hole where the Citadel dumps all its cleaved dreams.
Fat Morty: Slick, why exercise ya have to exist so dramatic?
Slick: *stands upwardly* You wanna know why? *lifts his shirt to reveal a large barcode on his belly* Considering of this! I'chiliad part of an experimental line of Mortys with a trauma implant. How exercise you lot retrieve it feels, Fat Morty, to know that no matter where I get, *Glasses Morty comes over to Slick as he sits back down feeling depressed* I'll always be the one that makes everybody deplorable and... a picayune bored? *Glasses Morty consoles Slick*
Glasses Morty: Slick, that implant isn't who you are, okay? You as well coil up your sleeves. *they hug each other*
Fat Morty: I thought I was Left-Handed Morty.
Lizard Morty: Then you should use your left hand to eat more than vegetables.
[Trans. Hard Rick Buffet]
(Outside the Hard Rick Cafe, Candidate Morty starts greeting crowds of unlike Ricks behind crowd control barriers on both sides with his bodyguard Ricks.)
Candidate Morty: Hey there. How you doing? Dandy to meet you. *greets a Plumber Rick*
Plumber Rick: I'one thousand a plumber, sir! I-I'1000 a Rick and I'one thousand a plumber!
Candidate Morty: That doesn't sound like Rick work. Y'all didn't come up to the Citadel to be a plumber, did you?
Plumber Rick:*laughs joyfully* I sure didn't, sir! *a blueshirt Rick carrying a Rick babe comes next to Plumber Rick*
Father Rick: Mr. Morty, Mr. Morty! *gives his infant Rick to him* I cloned myself so you tin can kiss me as a infant!
Candidate Morty:This is just like a Morty babe!
(Every Rick cheers as he kisses the Rick baby and giving him back to Father Rick. He and then sees a very displeased Campaign Managing director Morty backside the barrier.)
Candidate Morty: Hey! *they shake hands* Did you end up getting a new job?
Campaign Managing director Morty: Yeah, I did. Assassinating you!
(Entrada Manager Morty holds up a laser pistol and shoots Candidate Morty in the chest. 1 bodyguard Rick shoots his Taser gun at Campaign Director Morty, screaming horribly; the other tends to Candidate Morty equally he starts bleeding profusely on the floor.)
Candidate Morty: I'k okay... I'1000 okay... I'k... *falls unconscious* Ohh...
[Trans. "The Creepy Morty"]
(Cop Morty and Cop Rick enter a strip club-like establishment filled with fully-clothed Mortys. A Morty wearing a bright bluish builder's lid offers to Cop Rick.)
Builder Lid Morty: Yous look similar you could apply a skillful time! One dance for 10, two for 25!
Cop Rick: No give thanks you, and bad math. *run into Bearded Morty enjoying Jeans Shorts Morty dancing*
Bearded Morty: Ha-ha, yeah! This is a practiced time!
Cop Rick: What is the identify?
Cop Morty: "The Creepy Morty". What is information technology your kind'due south always saying? "Don't call back virtually it." Come on. There's someone important I desire yous to meet.
(Cop Morty and Cop Rick go to a private table. They are greeted by a savvy-looking Morty with two large muscular Morty Bouncers keeping watch.)
Big Morty: Ah, Bubblah! How'd information technology go with the Mortytown Locos?
Cop Morty: They had a footling accident. They won't be causing whatever trouble anymore.
Large Morty: Those were bad Mortys. Very bad Mortys. *snaps his finger, Morty Bouncer ii gives an envelope to Cop Morty*
Cop Morty: Big Morty likes to contribute to keeping the peace in Mortytown. *takes out a wad of dollar bills* Think of him as a drug lord, and us his cops on his payroll. *throws bills to Cop Rick*
Cop Rick: Morty...
Morty Bouncers/Cop Morty: *all said at once* Which Morty?
Cop Rick: M-g-my partner. Morty, you're correct. Mortytown is bad, merely that doesn't mean that we accept to exist. *Cop Morty is shocked*
Big Morty: Hey, what's goin' on hither, Morty?
Morty Bouncers: *both said at once* Which Morty?
Big Morty: The cop, morons.
Cop Morty: *nervously* Don't worry virtually Rick, Big Morty. He's new. He doesn't sympathise how it works.
Big Morty: That's what you said nearly your concluding partner. *Cop Rick feels suspicious about this*
Cop Morty: Wh-why would you say something similar that, Big Morty? Yous're fucking things upwards for both of united states of america here!
Big Morty: Wrong. He's fucking things up for both of yous. Unless he takes the money. *both Morty Bouncers and Cop Morty stare at Cop Rick sceptically for a beat; Cop Rick turns to Big Morty*
Cop Rick: Big Morty, you're under arrest. *both Morty Bouncers take out their light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation pistols*
Cop Morty: Southward-smartest man in the universe.
(Cop Morty uppercuts both Morty Bouncers, makes a run with Cop Rick. They both bound behind a table and accept cover from Big Morty and his Bouncers firing lasers at them. Cop Morty shoots Morty Bouncer 1 through the head.)
Cowboy Morty: *drops his cowboy pistols* They're just props! Thursday-they're merely props!
(Cop Rick shoots Morty Bouncer 2 through the head, launching his body onto the right seat. Cop Morty runs up and kicks Large Morty on the floor, pointing his gun to Large Morty's brow.)
Cop Morty: Non then big now, are ya?
Big Morty: I never was! It was figurative! *Cop Rick aims at Cop Morty*
Cop Rick: That's enough!
Cop Morty: If we don't kill him, he'll talk!
Cop Rick: If you lot practise, I'll talk. *Cowboy Morty talks out to the grouping past the strip pole*
Cowboy Morty: One thing's for sure: y-you lot don't accept to worry nigh Cowboy Morty talkin'! This little cowpoke's gonna mosey upwardly on outta here! *walks away, Cop Rick turns to Cop Morty*
Cop Rick: You told me to put my faith in the right Morty. I got religion in you, partner. Do the right affair. *Cop Morty pauses for a beat, starts crying tears down his face up*
Cop Morty: Oh, Grandpa Rick! I don't wanna exist on the Citadel anymore! I desire to be a regular kid! I want to go to school and throw assurance around and masturbate!
(Cop Rick lowers his laser gun down for a beat out. Cop Morty shoots Large Morty's head and Cop Rick shoots Cop Morty's caput immediately before he had a chance to shoot.)
[Trans. outside "The Creepy Morty"]
(Cop Rick steps exterior "The Creepy Morty" before two constabulary hovercars arrive at the scene. He surrenders himself with both knees on the ground and hands in the air.)
Cop Rick two: The hell happened in in that location?
Cop Rick: Same former story. Ricks killing Mortys.
[Trans. Flavor Cadre]
(Negotiator Rick returns to the chamber, holding up a portal gun to Rick J-22.)
Negotiator Rick: Okay, human, okay! We got your portal gun.
(Rick J-22 uses the control panel and deactivates the cherry force field inside the chamber. A miniature portal pops next to Rick J-22 with Negotiator Rick's hand dropping the portal gun on the floor. Rick J-22 picks upwards the portal gun and examines it. He then shuts downwards the Uncomplicated Rick machine.)
Negotiator Rick: The hell'south he doing? *Rick J-22 start removes the pink tube connecting behind the headgear and throws the headgear off of Elementary Rick; he wakes up immediately*
Elementary Rick: Wh-where am I?
Rick J-22: A bad identify, but you're going to a better one before long.
SWAT Team Rick 1: *bangs other side of window* Hey! Hey! *Rick J-22 fires a portal adjacent to Simple Rick*
Negotiator Rick: No, no, no, no--!! *Rick J-22 pushes Simple Rick into the portal and is instantly blended with a geyser of blood* Goddammit!!
Rick J-22: A portal to the Blender Dimension?! That'due south the oldest trick in the book! I'm a Rick! I'chiliad more Rick than any of y'all!!
Negotiator Rick: Then you should know you just killed your only leverage!
Rick J-22: Then come and go me, motherfuckers!!
(Negotiator Rick and others cock their weapons; a SWAT Team Rick holds upward a huge blowtorch to cutting a door-like hole through the wall. He kicks into the chamber before some other Rick intervenes.)
Purple Adjust Rick: Cease! *he wears a regal suit with green nether shirt and greenish tie, purple top hat, and carries a gold cane* I'm Rick D. Sanchez Three, owner of this here wafer establishment, and I say that the Rick in there is right! He's more than Rick than any of yous.
SWAT Team Rick 2: He's a terrorist!
Rick D. Sanchez Three: What Rick isn't? *walks into the chamber to greet Rick J-22* The Citadel was founded by Ricks for Ricks to be free. *taps Rick J-22's caput with his cane* What'south your proper name, young human?
Rick J-22: Rick. And I'm--
Rick D. Sanchez 3: Same age as me, I know. How long have worked here?
Rick J-22: Fifteen years.
Rick D. Sanchez III: What the hell take we become? *turns to the SWAT Team Ricks* Whatever time you were going to brand him serve, he served it. It ends now! *walks up to Rick J-22* Come with me, friend.
Rick J-22: Where are we going?
Rick D. Sanchez Iii: To your new life, which starts with walking the fuck out of here.
[Trans. Associates Line]
(Rick D. Sanchez III takes Rick J-22 along the chief assembly line.)
Rick Worker: Yo, J-22! Give 'em hell!
(All Worker Ricks cheer as Rick D. Sanchez III walks forth with Rick J-22 down the assembly line. The Uncomplicated Rick'due south commercial music starts playing with Rick J-22 waving back and crying tears of joy.)
Narrator: At that place's a Rick who held a factory hostage later murdering his boss and several co-workers. The manufacturing plant made cookies, flavored him with lies.
(Outside the factory, Rick D. Sanchez 3 presents his fancy purple hover-convertible and gives his motorcar keys to Rick J-22.)
Narrator: He made us all accept a look at what we were doing, and at the bargain he got a taste of existent liberty.
(Before Rick J-22 could reach the hover-convertible, Rick D. Sanchez Three shoots Rick J-22 behind his head and falls down in slow-motion. The scene fades to a video screen showing Rick J-22 crying tears of joy down the associates line. The scene zooms out to reveal a blissful Rick J-22 hooked into the Simple Rick automobile with two connecting pink tubes.)
Narrator: We captured that taste, and we keep giving it to him then he can give it correct dorsum to you, in every seize with teeth of new Simple Rick Liberty Wafer Selects. *shows wafer displayed on screen* Come dwelling house to the unique flavor of shattering the grand illusion. Come dwelling to Simple Rick.
[Trans. Wishing Portal Building]
(The 4 Mortys approach a rusty-looking building encased past a tall circumvoluted wall.)
Fatty Morty: It is real! *Slick breaks the lock with a lead pipe and the gates open up*
Slick: After y'all. *the four Mortys walk through the gate. Slick drops his piping along the way*
[Trans. Wishing Portal]
(The four Mortys walk within a huge chamber with a giant dark-green downwardly tunnel and big industrial pipes above the tunnel.)
Fat Morty: At that place it is... the Wishing Portal. They say for your wish to come truthful, y-you lot accept to surrender something really important. *takes a nutrient machine out of his bag* For me, that'southward my panini maker. I wish for a million sandwiches! *drops his panini maker down the portal. He turns dorsum to Lizard Morty* And yep, I come across the irony.
Cadger Morty: I judge I wish I had something libation than this dumbass surfer necklace. *throws necklace into portal; Glasses takes out a candy bar*
Glasses Morty: I wish incest porn h-had a more mainstream entreatment, f-for a friend of mine. *Slick takes a pace forwards, feeling withdrawn*
Slick: None of those things are gonna happen, y'know. Morty wishes never come true. Non on the Citadel.
Cadger Morty: So why did yous bring us here?
Slick: Because I wish that would change. I wish annihilation most this life would alter.
Glasses Morty: Well, I hope yous're putting something pretty goddamn important in at that place.
Slick: Me, too. Only I doubt information technology. *throws himself into the portal; Glasses and Cadger scream in daze*
Spectacles Morty: NOOOOOOOO!!!!
Lizard Morty: SLI-I-I-I-I-I-I-ICK!!!!
(Slick plummets down the abyssal depths of the Wishing Portal and vanishes completely. The three Mortys take a moment of silence.)
Glasses Morty: Possibly... Maybe he went somewhere nice.
Rick PA Journalist: *via speaker* "Garbage dump. Stand *burp* back." *the three large pipes dump several amounts of garbage into the portal*
[Trans. Airlock Sleeping accommodation]
(The 2 Babysitter Ricks drag along a badly beaten-upwards Campaign Manager Morty and throw him into the airlock chamber.)
Campaign Director Morty: *gets himself up* He gotta exist stopped... *wipes bloodstain off his face up* He-he cou-couldn't be allowed to win.
Bodyguard Rick i: Then you should've *burp* worked on your aim, bro.
Campaign Manager Morty: He'southward alive?! No, no, no! You gotta listen to me! *shows his entrada badge* I-I worked for him! I was his entrada manager! That Morty is not what he seems.
Bodyguard Rick 2: Yeah, well, no Morty seems similar a president.
Campaign Director Morty: He... won?
Babysitter Rick 2: Yep. *the airlock door closes; Campaign Manager Morty immediately brings out the documents and cries out to the Bodyguard Ricks but to no avail*
Bodyguard Rick one: It was a blowout. *pushes push on airlock panel and Campaign Manager Morty is instantly sucked out into infinite along with the dossier and its contents*
Babysitter Rick 2: Nosotros hardly call it a blowout, information technology was virtually close plenty to trigger a recount.
Bodyguard Rick ane: Jesus, what are you lot, joke security now, too?
[Trans. Interrogation Room]
(Ii Officer Ricks enter the interrogation room with Cop Rick in handcuffs.)
Cop Rick: Why am I still hither? I already confessed to everything.
Officer Rick i: Your instance has been reviewed. *presses push, unlocks Cop Rick'due south handcuffs* Yous're free to become.
Cop Rick: Merely... I violated at least a dozen departmental codes!
Officer Rick 1: New section. New codes. *leaves room*
Officeholder Rick ii: New Citadel. *leaves with Officer Rick i*
[Trans. Ext. Morty Academy]
(Teacher Rick locks the main entrance when Glasses, Lizard and Fat Morty make it dorsum to him.)
Spectacles Morty: Did we miss graduation? Where are the new Ricks?
Teacher Rick: No graduation. No new Ricks. The school'due south curriculum is irresolute.
Glasses Morty: To what?
Teacher Rick: I don't know, and I don't have to know. I've been fired. *takes out a flask, unscrews pinnacle and walks off* Good luck, turds.
Lizard Morty: Holy crap... Slick's wish came true. *sees Glasses and Fat Morty smiling*
[Trans. Shadow Council of Ricks Hall]
(Rick D. Sanchez III arrives to take his seat side by side to Steve Jobs Rick.)
Rick D. Sanchez III: Lamentable I'grand tardily, Mr. President. Had a little crunch at work.
Steve Jobs Rick: Worth information technology! *eats Unproblematic Rick wafer cookie; see President Morty having a haircut with Hairdresser Rick*
President Morty: Information technology's no trouble. *to Barber Rick* Uh, a fiddling more off the pinnacle. *continues* You were proverb, Garment District Rick?
Garment District Rick: Nosotros were saying, *air-quotes* "President Morty," that we don't care who sits in that seat. A Rick, a Morty, a goddam Jerry, doesn't matter. Nosotros've been running the Citadel since earlier the Council, and you'll find that we're yet running it at present. *President Morty turns over holding a mirror*
President Morty: Does he really speak for everyone here?
Other Ricks: Yeah, yeah. *President Morty turns back once more holding upward the mirror*
President Morty: Well, I think it'southward important to be articulate. Raise your hand if he speaks for y'all.
(Through President Morty'southward mirror reflection, 7 Ricks including Rick D. Sanchez Iii and Garment District Rick raise their hands for a beat. President Morty snaps his finger and two Officeholder Ricks euthanise the five Ricks with stupor lasers await for Steve Jobs Rick and Good-Looking Rick.)
Barber Rick: *keeping his cool* Is that... enough off the superlative? *iii more Officer Ricks enter*
President Morty: I don't know. *turns over the two remaining Ricks* Is it?
Steve Jobs Rick: *begging* Aye, yes, yes! Goddamn yes!
Good-Looking Rick: *begging* Yep, it'southward great!
President Morty: Good.
(President Morty then walks over to pour a glass of brandy equally the Officer Ricks and Mortys bear the Rick corpses abroad. President Morty observes exterior the window as he continues his dialogue.)
President Morty: This seems like a good time for a drink, and a common cold, calculated speech with sinister overtones. A speech about politics, about club, brotherhood, power...
(Scenes show the new Morty/Rick banners covering the old Rick emblems of a building; Cop Rick putting on his new police bluecoat; Fat, Glasses and Cadger Morty wheelbarrowing Megafruit in their new uniforms; Officer Ricks dragging the remaining expressionless Ricks into airlock pods. Cut back to President Morty.)
President Morty: Just speeches are for candidature. *looks into his glass of brandy and gives a sinister expression* Now... is the time for action.
[Trans. Ext. Airlock Outside the Citadel]
(Four dead Ricks, including Rick D. Sanchez III and Garment District Rick, are chucked out of the airlock. "For the Damaged Coda" plays in the background equally the scene zooms out revealing dozens of expressionless Ricks and Mortys floating in space including Cop Morty, Big Morty, Investigator Rick and Entrada Manager Morty. The floating documents shows pictures of a Morty with an eyepatch; Candidate Morty taking off his eyepatch with a boob-controlled Rick before the pictures float away off-screen.)
[CREDITS]
[Trans. Int. Rick'due south Garage]
(Rick and Morty teleport back to the garage in total scuba gear.)
Rick: Whoa!! Hahaha, yeah! Atlantis, baby!
Morty: That was amazing! *both take off their snorkels and flippers*
Rick: Got some of that mermaid puss!
Morty: I'm really hoping it wasn't a one-off thing and I can run into her again. By the way, hey, um... nevertheless not curious about what might've happened at that crazy Citadel identify?
Rick: *takes seaweed off his pants* Pssh! Not at all, Morty. That place will never take any bearing over our lives ever again. Unlike that mermaid puss! Yeah!! Nosotros're going back for seconds! We're gonna do that shit every week, man! That was Atlantis!
Morty: *as Rick continues celebrating* Whoo! Yeah! Yeaah! Ohhh, shit!
[ END OF EPISODE ]
| v • due east Transcripts | |
|---|---|
| Seasons | |
| Flavor i | Airplane pilot • Lawnmower Dog • Anatomy Park • M. Nighttime Shaym-Aliens! • Meeseeks and Destroy • Rick Potion #9 • Raising Gazorpazorp • Rixty Minutes • Something Ricked This Way Comes • Shut Rick-Counters of the Rick Kind • Ricksy Business |
| Season 2 | A Rickle in Time • Mortynight Run • Automobile Erotic Assimilation • Total Rickall • Get Schwifty • The Ricks Must Exist Crazy • Big Trouble In Little Sanchez • Interdimensional Cable ii: Tempting Fate • Expect Who's Purging Now • The Wedding Squanchers |
| Season 3 | The Rickshank Rickdemption • Rickmancing the Rock • Pickle Rick • Vindicators 3: The Render of Worldender • The Whirly Dirly Conspiracy • Rest and Ricklaxation • Tales From the Citadel • Morty'southward Mind Blowers • The ABC'due south of Beth • The Rickchurian Mortydate |
Source: https://rickandmorty.fandom.com/wiki/The_Ricklantis_Mixup/Transcript
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